how many chances can you give?

i would really appreciate coming home, and at least see that my room aint messy. i feel like im in a warzone at work. and coming home? i feel indifferent... i need to feel peace in the house. i need to feel safe. its home to me. not a house. and since you had brought about rubbish, this "home" now somehow feels like a house, and now degraded further to become a warzone.

no one can understand how that feels. no matter what kinda rubbish sister you have, it cannot be worse than mine, i assure you. so you will never understand how i feel, despite what im telling you.

i wanna take a photo of my room now, after much talking to her and telling her to pack up my room. its still messy, but its not in a shit state. and you will be like: are you sure someone did any packing here? and nopes, i wont be surprised if you asked me that...

i swear on my life that it had been exhausting as hell living with my sister.

it wasnt so bad before... but its terrible now.

she gives me nothing but trouble.

i swear, she is the kinda person that will die on the streets and you wont be surprised she had died. i know, that isnt very nice... but its really annoying. why? because you kinda will expect someone to kill her for how annoying she is.

we fight about everything. we just dont get along like we used to. and i aint the only one that fight with her.

our habits changed, character changed, everything changed prsctically.

i mean, its fine. people change. but i cannot tolerate if people lie to me. about something, about nothing... for the littlest things in the world. why must they lie?

lets just take an example of what she lies about:

"i did not take your rubber band!"

yes, poor innocent girl being accused by me of taking my rubber band... hello? proof and evidence that you obviously took it because all of them are found near/ umderneath your bed! its sucha small matter. cant you just tell me you took it???

honestly, honesty is the best policy...

or "i did not take your book"

ohh yeah, you didnt. it just magically disappeared out of my cabinet and opened flat out on your bed. excellent work! magic!!!

dafaq? im not that stupid please.

not being a caring elder sister is fine. i can live with that.

but being a nasty sister is another thing.

i dont know how to put this, but i dont wanna be like her. for sure.

i cant act in front od everybody and tell them that im fine, and thay things are perfectly fome between the both of us.

NO. 

i will not and shall not do that. not anymore.

ive tried, and failed miserably.

i feel like im cutting myself up, thats all.

I hurt myself far too many times...